Huron-Perth Centre - PARENTING TIPS: HELPING CHILDREN DEAL WITH ANGRY FEELINGS

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Deciding on the best way to handle angry or frustrated feelings can sometimes be difficult for young people. The following may be ways that you can help them deal with these feelings.

Let them know that feeling angry is normal and a sign that something is wrong. It is important to acknowledge these feelings - otherwise children may feel even more frustrated if they feel that nobody understands them. However, you can clearly state that aggressive behaviours are not acceptable, no matter how angry they feel.
(ie. "I can see how angry you are at your brother.
Tell him what you want with words, not fists.")

Help them find different ways to express these feelings. Often we will say what behaviours are not acceptable, but we do not spend much time helping children develop better behaviours. The key point is to help children find ways to remove themselves from a frustrating situation before their feelings escalate. Teaching them to move away quietly from a difficult situation (younger children may need short periods of time-out) or having them count slowly to 5 or 10 may help to diffuse a difficult situation.

Talk about better ways to handle anger. The time to talk about dealing with anger is definitely not when the child is angry. When the situation has passed, take time to develop a plan with your child about what they will do the next time they become angry. An "anger log" may be a useful tool. In order for any change to occur, children need to be involved in developing and evaluating their own plans.

Limit the extent to which children observe violence. Children who are already prone to becoming easily angered are particularly sensitive to watching violence. It is especially important then, to limit the extent to which these children observe violent acts. TV and video games need to be monitored for violence and access to them excluded and/or limited. It is also important for children to observe other people solving problems in an assertive way without resorting to the use or abuse of power.

Encourage cooperative problem-solving with peers. Another way to handle inappropriate expressions of anger is to provide many opportunities for children to develop more positive cooperative skills. Having children work on group projects where success is measured by the degree to which the group works together can be very useful.

Frequent and uncontrolled outbursts of anger in young people can be symptoms of underlying feelings of insecurity and sadness. Rather then blaming the child, you may need to find ways to support the struggle to find ways to control these feelings.

ANGER MANAGEMENT IS NOT ABOUT GETTING RID OF ANGER - IT'S ABOUT CHANNELING IT IN A POSITIVE DIRECTION.

from "Teaching Problem-Solving and Anger Management Skills to Children & adolescents" by
Dr. Darlene Elliot-Faust, Psychologist.

Huron-Perth Centre, Box 100 Clinton ON N0M 1L0