Huron-Perth Centre - PARENTING TIPS: TIME IN

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This exercise will strengthen your emotional connection with your child. This is essential in order to decrease the arguing and increase the fun in your family.

1. At a regular time every day, set aside 20-30 minutes to spend with your child (parents could alternate days). Research shows that a minimum of 20 minutes daily is ideal, but 20 minutes once a week is better than none.

2. Allow your child to choose and lead the activity. The activity should be interactive and non-destructive - no TV (TV is passive), no Nintendo (the Nintendo game shapes the play), no distractions. For toddlers and young children, this will likely mean that you get down on the floor among the toys and follow your child in play. Older children will understand the concept better and will be able to tell you how they want to spend the time.

3. Participate in the play, but do not coach, initiate, criticize or correct. You must refrain during this special "time-in" from all efforts to organize or control the activity. In this way you will be able to learn how your child sees himself/herself and the world.

4. Use open-ended questions to encourage communication. Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a simple "yes" or "no". Instead, use "how", "what", "tell me about"…Periods of silence are OK. Try to build circles of communication where you and your child are responding to each other.

5. Look for patterns of behaviour. Children use play to learn, develop, and to sort out the new experiences and stimulation that they take in. Don't try to analyze the play during your special time, but give it some thought later.

6. Try to get a picture of how the special time changes after you have done it for a few weeks and notice the impact on your child's behaviour. When parents are able to participate in "time-in" consistently, their children develop a stronger sense of security and a stronger bond with their parents. Arguing diminishes and children become more cooperative.

By having regular special times, children develop the communication skills needed to understand their feelings and to cope with them. They also learn to trust you and know that you provide a safe place for them to talk and to be understood.

Huron-Perth Centre, Box 100 Clinton ON N0M 1L0